so that wasnt chicken after all
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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