he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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