goodnight i made you a song goodbye
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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