I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
