You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
