well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
