Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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