whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
