I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
