weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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