DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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