Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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