I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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