Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
