Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drake has all the answers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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