dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
