PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
