I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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