i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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