the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
