I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize