I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
