You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
