nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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