hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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