Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize