this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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