we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
