just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
