I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
