After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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