did you get engaged???
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
