I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its liver damage thursday
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
