We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
