saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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