Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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