i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
