we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
