I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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