you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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