Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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