I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
