i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
