Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
