I hate all girls vehemently.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
