Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
