Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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