At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
