Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
