my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
