Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
