dude i'm inner monologue high
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
