My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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