You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
