my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just gargled with NyQuil
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
