Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
