This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.