Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right