Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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