the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.