My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize