just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize