bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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