You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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