proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
