just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
