dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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