i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i believe in u and ur pee
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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